Sparkly Eyes

I’ve, lately, found myself driving back to the place (almost 2 hours away) that I frequented when the girls were really small.  I’ve done it twice in two months, pulling Harper out of school, and, in my own way, trying to make everything right with moving on, and pulling away from what “once was” to what “will be”. 

We took the trek to see Santa, for the first time this year, at the home of the photographers who took my maternity pictures with Monroe, a couple of days before my dad died.  When I got the pictures back, she had added a rainbow to some of the images; perfectly fitting for my horrible grief.  It was so good to see them again, knowing time has been a true healer.

Fast forward to this year, these southern babies, and my newest obsession to monogram everything in sight.  Right after these pictures, we drove into town to record the girls singing some Christmas songs (another attempt to freeze a moment in time, that actually works).  

Harper recorded a song from the movie “The Grinch” (one of my all-time-favorite Christmas books that I memorized in second grade for no apparent reason).  In the song, the little girl asks: “Where are you Christmas?  Why can’t I find you?  Why have you gone away?  My world is changing, I’m rearranging…

My world has changed this year, and I see it for all the good and hard…and for NOW, it doesn’t have to mean that “Christmas has changed, too”.  Harper has been asking for a Moana Boat, and I have told her again and again that I’m certain Santa cannot fit it in his sleigh, but after her explanation to me about the way he was magic, and “daddy could send the elves some supplies and directions”, I think Santa may be delivering this year.

I was reading Sarah’s take on Christmas morning (fast forwarded a few years); and she confirms what I know will be (for me):

One day a mother’s Christmas will change. And it hurts our hearts I assure you. It will make us shed tears of reminiscence and nostalgia and sadness for what will never be again.  PLEASE, if you have little ones, just enjoy it.  Soak it all up.  Don’t run yourself ragged and miss the “sparkly eyes” because you are too busy and tired.  Don’t waste time striving for perfection or stressing about incidentals. If you have believers in your home, treasure it.  If you have shouts of joy on Christmas morning as a child unwraps a present that cost $7.99, revel in it. One day things will change-and not change for the terribly worse, but it will change.  Surprise and joy and wonder are at their height in the young childhood years and one day you will wish them desperately back if just for a moment. 

Set the path before you, walk slowly and carefully, and keep your head clear and focused and have a simple vision.  

I’m so grateful for these sparkly eyes.  For the magic of Christmas, and the feeling that these little people bring into our home.  I think this may be the most MAGICAL of all Christmases to date (and I can’t wait for Christmas morning with tiny little feet running for the tree), with their sparkly eyes BELIEVING